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Fan fiction
There has been both a fan film series and a parody novel series--neither of which is related--that use the title Star Wreck. Fan film Series Star Wreck is a series of Finnish Star Trek fan-made parodies. The first Star Wreck was a 5 minute long animation created in 1992. SW 2 came out in 1994. SW 1 thru 4 were all animated. But 5, 4 and a half, and 6 were made using live action photography. The sixth in the series, Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning '', which parodied both Star Trek and Babylon 5, was released August 20, 2005 as a 2-hour long film, the longest to date, and is available as a free download from the Star Wreck website (see below). As of late November 2005, the movie was downloaded 3.5 million times, making it the most popular Finnish movie in history. (The second most popular is 1955's ''The Unknown Soldier, with 2.8 million viewers, according to Reuters.) SW 6 stars Samuli Torssonen, who is also the creator and producer, as Captain Pirk; Timo Vuorensola, who directed, as Lt. Dwarf ; and Rudi Airisto as Cmdr. Info. The film is in Finnish with English subtitles. * See: The offical Star Wreck fan film website Parody Novel Series The series of seven unauthorized parody novels entitled Star Wreck (published by St. Martin's Paperbacks) are the brainchild of writer Leah Rewolinski, with illustrations by Harry Trumbore and cover art by Bob Larkin. The series parodies both TOS and TNG by forcing caricatures of the both crews to co-exist on one ship, the Starfreak starship U.S.S. Endocrine (registry NBC-1701-D-minus, although the cover art on the novels shows it as NOT-1701-D). The basic plot is that the crews of the original series and the Next Generation are mixed up in one ship and try their worst to gain control of the situation. The first five books focus mainly on these two crews, while the last two introduce and involve the crew of "Geek Space Nine" (a parody of Deep Space Nine). The most noticable trademark is that all characters, items and locations derived from the Star Trek series have "slightly" altered names. "Old" Crew *'Captain James T. Smirk' - the captain of the old crew, and a ladies' man. Very easy-going when he is supposed to be serious. *'Mr. Smock' - the Vulture officer and second-hand man. Has a running feud with Dacron about being the knowledgable guy on board. His pointed ears are oversized and usually flopped over. *'Doctor Lynyrd "Moans" McCaw' - the grumpy ship doctor. His personality is best expressed by his favorite line: "I'm a doctor, not [insert]." *'Mr. Pavlov Checkout' - the token Russian of the crew. Very bad at piloting and communications. *'Mr. Hikup Zulu' - the token Asian. Level-headed, and stereotypically skilled in karate. *'Mr. Snot' - the old crew's chief engineer. Is very secretive about the secrets of the trade, and his favorite lines are pessimistic remarks about the functionality of the devices he has to work with, most of which is buried in technological gobbledygook that makes technobabble look like nursery rhymes. Full name is alternately given as Sean Michael Thomas Snot III and Montgomery Ward Snot. *'Lt. Yoohoo' - the "two-in-one" representative for both women and Afro-Americans, and the communications officer. Has a questionable aptitude for singing, a bit of a weight/eating problem, and tends to bleat in fright when confronted with a crisis. "New" Crew *'Captain Jean-Lucy Ricardo' - the up-tight, up-right, politically-correct and officious counterpart of Smirk. Is very conscious about his bald plate (often wondering what skull wax he should use in any given situation), and has a passion for Earl Grape Tea, which often makes him ... say, a little short-fused. (One wonders what's actually IN the tea...) *'Commander Wilson Piker' - mostly called "Number 1" by Captain Ricardo. His speciality is to strike a dramatic pose when things do get dramatic; and in the past and present he gets clipped on the head, which does not contribute to his intellectual qualities. *'Counselor Deanna "Dee" Troit' - as a Betavoid, she has telepathic abilities and therefore serves as the crew's shrink. Amply "out-fitted" in a heavy-duty underwire bra, her bosom tends to respond well - or not so well - to changes in motion. *'Lt. Wart' - the "in-all-things-a-little-too-aggressive" Kringle security officer. Replaced expired crewmate Lt. Yasha Tar at Tactical after she was taken out by an alien oil slick. *'Lt. Commander Dacron' - the token off-brand-merchandise android (hence his white skin). Has a tendency to bore people to death with his to-the-point statements, thus gaining the emnity of Mr. Smock (who feels that it's HIS job to do that). *'Lt. Georgie LaForgery' - the chief engineer of the new crew. Wears a visual prosthesis to both allow him to see and to conceal his fake eyeballs, which are linked to springs andd tend to gross out anyone who sees them unshielded. *'Dr. Beverage Flusher' - Chief Medical Officer of the new crew. Never sure what her patients are suffereing from, or has at least never seen symptoms like this. Her husband, Jock Flusher, died under Ricardo's command aboard the U.S.S. Skinbracer. *'Westerly Flusher' - Beverage's smart-ass son, child prodigy and Twinkie addict. Acting ensign who often pilots the ship between stints at Starfreak Academy Film School. *'Dr. Cape Pragmatski' - Beverage's replacement in the first story when she is re-assigned as head of Starfreak Medical. * Guano - head bartender in Ten-Foreplay, the bar aboard the Endocrine. Often wears silly oversized hats in which she can store snacks and beverages to sell. "GS9" Crew *'Commander Bungeeman Crisco' - Commander of Space Station Geek Space Nine. Widower (his wife Hennypenny was killed when the U.S.S. Sara Lee was attacked by the Bored), raising his son alone while trying to run the station. *'Joke Crisco' - Bungeeman's son. Tested negative for Westerly Flusher Syndrome. Something of a juvenile delinquent. Best friends with Eggnog, which doesn't help. *'Major Vera Obese' - Bridgeoran first officer, from the planet Badger. Has a nasty temper, and an itchy bombing finger. Tends to wear a loaded bandolier over her uniform and a scowl on her face. *'Constable Dodo' - Shapeshifting head of security. Has to revert to a gelatinous, oatmeal-like state twice a day. Can transform into just about anything, but still looks like overworked Play-Doh when in humanoid form. *'Lt. Jazzy Fax' - Thrill science officer--a three-hundred-year-old worm in the body of a fashion model. Sports spots in the shape of playing card suits. A bit on the vacuous side. *'Dr. Julio Brassiere' - Chief Medical Officer. Fresh out of Starfreak Academy and eager to practice some "frontier medicine". Constantly trying to get Jazzy Fax to date him. *'Chief Smiles O'Brine' - Former UltraFax operator aboard the Endocrine; now Chief of Sloperations on the station. His wife Kookoo runs the station school, from which Joke and Eggnog are consistently absent. *'Quirk' - Ferengi bartender; owner and operator of Quirk's Bar and Hollowsweet Brothel. Short, big-eared, and always trying to make a bar of gold-pressed laudinum. *'Eggnog' - Quirk's nephew, and Joke Sisko's best friend. Also short & big-eared, but more intersted in making trouble than money. Definitely helping contribute to Joke's deliquent tendencies. Book Summaries thumb|left|100px Star Wreck: The Generation Gap The first book in the series, it chronicles the two crews' attempts to coexist aboard the Endocrine and still outdo each other while trying to defeat an onslaught by the recently-awakened-from-cryogenic-sleep Cellulites, aliens who were trying to lose weight via the "HyberSlim method". The situation worsens when--after romancing "Dee" Troit--Smirk decides to take his crew away from the situation. They manage to seperate the ship's Cup section (which contains the main power core) from its' Saucer section and take it on a cosmic joyride. This forces the new crew to conserve ship's power via an increasingly long list of banned appliance use aboard ship, using what they have to try and implement one failed plan after another to help the Cellulites lost the weight they DIDN'T lose in hibernation. Eventually, tiring of the constant partying, the old crew return with the Cup section, and both crews come up with a plan to anesthetize the Cellulites, return them to hibernation and get the ship away from the planet before the Cellulites come to and their combined anger causes an emotional shockwave that could destroy the ship. Star Wreck II: The Attack of the Jargonites thumb|right|100px Having squeaked by in their first mission, Starfreak orders the Endocrine back to Earth to battle a new problem. Alien "potential engineers" called the Jargonites are attacking Earth with new-age-lingo-laden transmissions that are turning the population of Earth into brainwashed "feel-good" idiots. To further complicate matters, the ship encounters a wormhole en route, which reveals the original Endocrine, Smirk's old ship. Despite the warnings of Ricardo, Smirk--now suffering from pre-wedding jitters as he is engaged to Counselor Troit--and his crew demand to board the ship and take it back to Earth, so THEY can be the conquering heroes. Thus BOTH ships are eventually underway to Earth when the Jargonites turn their broadcasts toward them. Both Smock and Dacron wind up being put out of commission after trying to make sense of the Jargonites' psychobabble, forcing each crew to try and battle the aliens without their respective "brain trusts". In addition, the new crew must take a detour to find a replacement battery for Dacron before he off-lines for good. All these plot twists eventally land us back at Earth, where the final conflict between the crews and the Jargonites comes to a nail-biting, explosive conclusion. Star Wreck III: Time Warped thumb|left|100px When malfunctioning time-adjusting software aboard the Endocrine causes a rip in time that takes a videocasette of the ship's crew (filmed by Westerly Flusher as his entry into Starfreak Academy Film School) 40 years into the future, it creates a future cult of fans of the Endocrine crews who call themselves "Wrekkies". When the crews find out about this, they split into three groups: the Pros (those in favor of this fandomish cult), the Cons (those against it) and the Neuts (or Neutrals, those who don't care one way or the other). The Pros and Cons race each other to build a time machine that will take them into the future to encourage (in the Pros' case) or prevent (Cons') the videotape from causing the creation of the Wrekkies. In both cases, neither team succeed in reaching the designated time coordinates, causing major changes (some possibly pre-destined) in the timeline. this forces the Neuts to make their OWN time machine to rescue the other two teams. Eventually, all three teams wind up landing a further 10 years forward from their intended target, landing them in the middle of a Wrekkie convention. The Pros soak up the adolation, while the Cons try to avoid the attention, and the Neuts simply stand around dumbfounded. Then all three groups wind up on stage in front of the Wrekkie crowd, who present Smirk and his crew with a working dupicate of the Endocrine and allow both crews to return to their own time. Star Wreck IV: Live Long and Profit thumb|right|100px Starfreak is--as usual--financially tapped out. They can't afford the resources to have two Endocrine''s traversing the spacelanes. So Starfreak decides to keep Ricardo's ''Endocrine in service, but reassigns members of BOTH crews to new positions aboard; Guano is new Number 1, Piker is ship's doctor, Troit is the new engineer, Wart is now ship's shrink, Checkout is UltraFax (read "transporter") chief, Yoohoo is security chief, and Smock is now head bartender of Ten-Foreplay. Smirk is dejected on two fronts; he's no longer in command (or even co-command) of a ship, and he's now rethinking his break-up with Troit, who is now firmly deflecting all his advances. After learning of the "new" new crew's assignment to find the famed Fountain of Youth (so Starfreak can sell its waters and build some sorely-needed capital) before the dreaded Romanumens lay claim to it, the dejected Smirk and the rest of the rejected crews steal the duplicate Endocrine and vow to beat their counterparts to the Fountain, so THEY can keep THEIR Endocrine in service. The runaround leads both ships to the wrong planets. First, they go to a planet where the Fountain of Love resides. Both Dacron and Smock fall into its' waters, thus causing them to fall in love with "Dee" Troit and Bev Flusher, respectively. In a totally bad amount of timing, Smirk decides to recruit Dacron to ghost-write love letters to Troit to try and win her back. Smock, also under its effects, gets incorrect coordinates that lead the ships to the Fountain of Truth. Dacron falls into this fountain as well, thus wanting to proclaim his love of Troit to her despite Smirk's affections. The both ships finally reach the planet where the Fountain of Youth is, but the Romanumens are right on their heels (especially since the planet is dangerously close to the Neutuered Zone). After a totally botched away mission to claim the fountain, both crews are driven off the planet by a Romanumen ship and landing force. After returning to Earth, Starfreak is about to decomission BOTH crews, when Guano--who mananged to stash away several barrels of all the Fountains' waters--agrees to give the Youth water to Starfreak in exchange for keeping both ships going and putting the both crews back to their properly-assigned positions. Star Wreck V: The Undiscovered Nursing Home thumb|left|100px Starfreak Admiral Ruth Less (who was stood up for a date with Smirk while still a lieutenant) has decided that Smirk and crew have done enough running around the galaxy. (Besides, the stores of Youth water that bought their continued service have run out.) She orders the old crew to the Vacant Attic Nursing Home for their retirement. But Smirk isn't ready to rest just yet. He and his crew steal their Endocrine (AGAIN) and decide to attack the Fountain of Youth planet and relieve the Romanumens of their ownership. Admiral Less orders Ricardo and his crew to go after them in THEIR Endocrine. When they arrive, they find no sign of the Romanumens (Smirk and crew had a simple fight, as the Romanumen force had de-aged to babies, which Smirk sent to a Day Care Zone) and a force field protecting the Fountain. Ricardo sends Counselor Troit planetside to try and talk sense into Smirk and get him to relinquish control of the planet to Starfreak. The plan backfires, as Deanna returns to the ship de-aged to around 15. Ricardo then finds that Smirk has turned the planet into Juven Isle Amusement Park, right under his nose. Repeated attempts to round up the old crew--now not so old, as the Fountain's waters have youth-enized them as it did Troit--fail, and Admiral Less decides to send Commander Bungeeman Crisco to finish the job. However, Crisco captures the wrong crew, and sends Ricardo's group to the retirement home. He returns to the planet to find the park still active, and a young Smirk makes a deal with Crisco to pump part of the Fountain's output to Starfreak, giving Crisco part of the profits from the park revenues and sales of the remining Youth water. Starfreak, pleased with getting what they think is the total output of the Fountain, assigns Crisco to take command of Space Station Geek Space Nine, located strategically near the Bridgeoran wormhole. Smirk and his crew continue running the park, and Ricardo and his crew adapt to life in the Vacant Attic. :NOTE: The numbering on these last two books goes from Roman to standard numbers. Star Wreck 6: Geek Space Nine thumb|right|100px Starfreak is apparently losing tourism dollars due to the lack of interest in Space Station Geek Space Nine and its' crew. They assign both Endocrine crews to instruct the GS9 crew in how to be dimensional, interesting people, thus curing the GS9ers of their "dullimia". However, when they arrive and begin their assigned tutoring, the Endocrine crewmembers start disappearing. Smirk, Ricardo and Dacron discover their fellow crews are being sucked into a Talent Void--or TV--that's also been pulling the character complexity out of the GS9 crew. Dacron risks his own persona by entering the Void and retrieving the lost personnel. But every trip into the void sucks some of the personality--such as it is--out of Dacron. He manages to get them all out just as his personality hits dangerously-uninteresting levels. The example of Dacron sacrificing himself brings the dimensionality out of the GS9 crew, thus increasing Starfreak's travel revenues and earning the Endocrine crews some seriously needed perks. Dacron eventually restores his own personality via programs in the HolidayDeck, and treats all 3 crews to a one-man perfomance of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing (which he considers ironically appropriate in relation to their just-completed mission). Star Wreck 7: The Fido Frontier thumb|left|100px SUMMARY FORTHCOMING Category: Novels